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Joke of the Day

"I laughed a lot harder than I should have Man: do you know why fat people are so comfortable? Lady: why? Man : because they eat so much comfort food"

"Johnny: Nothing, sir. Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing? Johnny: Nothing, sir. Headmaster: Exactly."

"I told my SO that now Movember is over they should shave their mustache. She didn't take it very well."

"What do you call a Frenchman that's been attacked by a bear? Claude"

"Me: Phone a friend Judge: That's not how this works"

"My wife screams like crazy during sex... ...especially when I walk in on her!!!"

"KEIRA KNIGHTLEY DOESN'T EXIST Q: How do you know that Keira Knightley doesn't exist? A: Because the camera adds 10 pounds."

"Whats black and white and red all over? A race war."

"How did the Pianist play without fingers? Not very well at all..."

"I always ask Subway workers if THEY want double meat, then wink. Then I get kicked out."