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Joke of the Day

"How do you convince your neighbor to share their water with you? Try to get a long well."

"Why can't Emma Watson ever play Hermione Granger again? 'Cos once you go black, you never go back."

"Her: Are you even listening to me or are you just tweeting? Me: Yes sweetie, I hate her too."

"Which US national park is most welcoming to Hebrews? Yosemite!"

"[Bar] ""What'll you have"" Scotch ""You want it neat"" No thanks *bartender throws some crumbs and hair in my whisky* Thanks"

"Would you like to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, its too cheesy!"

"Does anyone know how the lady reacted when Van Gogh gave her his ear? Was it positive? Cause I'm running out of ideas for gifts."

"I just got ripped off by a Chinese guy. This pan he sold me doesn't fly at all."

"I am a male who goes through monthly week long periods..... of unrest while my wife is on her menstruation cycle."

"My toddler begged to go swimming and then threw a tantrum because she didn't want to get wet in case you were on the fence about having kids"