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Joke of the Day

"What's on TV? My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, ""What's on TV?"" I said, ""Dust."" And then the fight started..."

"I finally got my shit together. It's pretty gross. Wanna see?"

"I used to play water polo But the horse drowned"

"[trick or treating] ""Oh, what a cute little...what's she doing?"" Me: potty training. ""In my pumpkin?!"" Me: She likes the heated seat."

"Why did the Buddhist refuse Novocaine? He wanted to transcend dental medication."

"[How the rap feud started] Me: can u invite all the rappers to my b'day party? 2pac: sure, no biggie Biggie[eavesdropping]: [wipes tears]"

"What does Magneto do when his computer gets dirty? He wipes the hard drive."

"hey ther delilah wats it like in gotham city is the joker stil in jail-- i mean yes babe u look so prety yes u do batman is not a cool as u"

"Why couldn't Bill Gates get any girls? His hardware was Microsoft"

"A friend asked if I thought there was alien life on other planets and I was like don't give up hope, there's someone out there for you"