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Joke of the Day

"What's on TV? My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, ""What's on TV?"" I said, ""Dust."" And then the fight started..."

"What did the martini say when someone put a toothpick in it? It hurts, but olive."

"Yeah, I know what my neighbors wear to bed. Not because I look in their windows; I just see them during the day at Walmart."

"Jesus after the Last Supper goes through the bills. ""Guys, seriously, what the fuck, who ordered wine?"""

"I sometimes wonder why I'm 33 and single. Then I see you with your screaming kids in the grocery store and quickly remember."

"*sees cute doctor in scrubs* *falls over* HELP! I need mouth-to-mouth! Doc: ... Me: Aren't you obligated to help? Husband: GET UP!"

"Why don't midgets like barbecues? because the steaks are too high."

"A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized."

"When my Great Grandmother was a kid she asked her dad for a ring with a cat on it. Her father replied with stick your finger up the cats ass."

"What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell ? Addercadabra and abradacobra !"