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Joke of the Day

"I sometimes wonder why I'm 33 and single. Then I see you with your screaming kids in the grocery store and quickly remember."

"(fairly gosh darn NSFW) Yeah, so, I'm a necrophiliac, right... .....I *had* a girlfriend, but the rotten cunt split on me."

"What do star wars and the U.K. have in common? They both abandoned the EU"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Brother ! Brother who ? Brother-ation I've forgotten your name !"

"How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits into your wife's clothes."

"Where does Darth Vader go shopping? The Darth mall! haha, funny joke."

"the dvd logo will hit the corner of the tv screen if you wait 6 hours. thats what i did today. no regrets."

"Tried to make my coffee with Red Bull today... I made it all the way to work before I realized I had forgotten my truck."

"What did Brad Pitt in Seven and Harvey Weinstein in real life both get? Gwyneth Paltrow's head."

"It is impossible to simultaneously keep up a) hope and b) with the Kardashians."