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Joke of the Day

"Yeah, I know what my neighbors wear to bed. Not because I look in their windows; I just see them during the day at Walmart."

"Maybe the reason that goats are so angry is because they don't have hands to stroke those magnificent beards with while pondering quandaries"

"Harry Potter joke Q. Why can't Snape teach Herbology? A. He can't keep the lilies alive."

"Get your faces tattooed on each other, so if the wife ever says 'you're a joke' you can say 'the joke's on you' and disarm the situation."

"Chuck Norris has a roundhouse-kick app for his iPhone 8.0"

"*ransom note on gun* [1 million dollars by Friday or I shoot your daughter. No exceptions] [ps please mail gun back it's my only one]"

"What do the letters G, I, T, N, H, N & O have in common? nothing"

"Made plans to exercise with a friend and now I have to go get in a car accident."

"Q: How do you fix a broken chimp? A: With a monkeywrench."

"I like my women like I like my coffee. I have a deep respect for coffee and would never discriminate against coffee based on its gender."