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Joke of the Day

"The blind girl I was getting a handjob from told me I had the biggest dick she'd ever put her hands on. I said, ""Nah, you're just pulling my leg""."

"Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey - he's always stuffed!"

"It's been discovered that protons have mass. Which is odd because I didn't even know they are Catholic."

"I'm addicted to algebra I can't **function** without it!"

"If Sean Connery starred in Interstellar... He'd tell Murph to stop talking to her shelf."

"Optimist: A college student who opens his wallet and expects to find money."

"Did you hear about the new movie about the Nazi with a speech impediment? Schindler's Lisp"

"During a job interview yestarday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly ""Nervous?"" asked the interviewer, I simply replied ""No I always give 110%"""

"The fact that Fred Flintsone ate brontosaurus burgers seems less charming when you realize Dino was also a brontosaurus."

"I've been retracing my steps and now I have all these outlines of feet on my floor and still no keys."