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Joke of the Day

"What do University of Miami, Florida State, and University of Florida football fans have in common? None attended the University of Miami."

"My friend and I opened a shared bank account for buying weed. It'll be our joint account."

"You can lead a horse to water but it's pretty crowded there because of all the men you taught to fish in that other proverb."

"How does Donald Trump adopt pets? He just grabs the first pussy he sees."

"What's up dawg? Me: Up dawg Person: What is that? Me: What is what? Person: Whats up dawg? Me: nothing much hbu Person: ..."

"Why not just say you're feeling thargic, don't be all French about it"

"Just saw a commercial for weight gainer pills. Have the people with this ""problem"" not heard of pizza and alcohol?"

"How I pissed off my girlfriend during sex. I pissed on her."

"I may not know much about a lot of things, but this fact I'm sure of: A smoke detector battery will never go dead during the day."

"A recent study states that people should only shower every 3-4 days. ""Stop being an idiot,"" said one wife who lives in my house."