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Joke of the Day

"I ask myself, ""How did I get here?,"" I'm sure my neighbors ask the same question every time they catch me in their house...taking a shower."

"Girl, if I could rearrange the alphabet I probably wouldnt: I'm not that smart and people are already mad at me from other stuff I did"

"I survived Sharknado, but my friends didn't... ... I miss those chums"

"Blackberry users thought of making a joke abt the Apple-Samsung battle, but before they cud tweet thr phone hanged n battery drained out"

"If they crossover the stories of King Midas and Oedipus... It'll be pure motherfucking gold!"

"What's a one way streets favorite band? One Direction"

"I was asked who my favorite x-men was. I guess Caitlyn Jenner wasn't a good answer"

"How does a one armed man row a boat? In a circle."

"What body part do adults have two of and children have four of? Kidneys."

"Speaking from experience, No More Tears shampoo does not work as advertised if you drop the bottle on a baby's face."