185845

Joke of the Day

"""Get off the phone"" ""Wash your hands"" ""Pull up your pants"" ""Make me dinner"" My son runs a pretty tight ship in our household"

"I pulled a girl in a nightclub last night. She said ""What the fuck are you doing"" and walked back out."

"How does a butcher introduce his wife? Meat patty!"

"""Welcome to Fight Club,"" said the man with the rock hard abs. I looked around, clutching my kite, becoming worried."

"An old lady next to me on the airplane was scared by me being a muslim I laughed so hard my grenades almost fell out of my pocket."

"What's better than winning the lottery? Winning it the day after your divorce comes through."

"You know the world is corrupted.... When people buy the 2015 Macbook."

"How will an IT guy fix a lamp? He'll restart the nuclear power plant"

"No matter how many times I see it, I never tire of an Italian woman yelling at a guy named Anthony in public."

"I'm sleepier than a cupcake stand. They are tiered... sorry, this joke has too many layers."