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Joke of the Day

"So Miley Cyrus was hospitalized after an allergic reaction. Apparently the ecstasy she took was made in a facility which also processes tree nuts."

"Do NOT lower your standards to ""keep"" anyone. Make them meet you at YOUR level. Self respect is power."

"Guys, women can spot another woman at 10 paces and tell you if she's wearing 5"" or 6"" heels. She knows exactly what, 6""+ looks like."

"Why did the cat go to the doctors? Because it wasn't feline well"

"Q: What do men and sperm have in common? A:They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being."

"Why are cpws made for dancing? They're all born hoofers!"

"How do you call a gay person from Russia? Sergei."

"1940 I met my first love. 1942 I met my second. Then I met my third at 1948. It's been a hectic evening."

"How many Mizzou students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ""*Whys the lightbulb got to be white?!*"""

"Why is the pH of a white girl either 9, 11 or 13? 1. She's basic. 2. She literally can't even."