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Joke of the Day

"How do you call a gay person from Russia? Sergei."

"5-year-old: I'll stop asking you to take our family to Disneyland Me: You finally understand we can't afford it 5: You should just send me"

"I used to be a cock sucker, then I took an arrow to knee."

"I want to be as annoying as a vegetarian but still eat meat so I'm telling people I only eat chicken. I'm calling myself a ""poultrivore""."

"I fell over a toilet roll display at my local supermarket I cut my leg badly and was rushed to hospital. I said to the doctor, ""what's the damage"" He replied, ""just some torn tissue""."

"An Egg and a Chicken were having sex... But which came first? - Took this title from someone but changed the punchline."

"Me: ""I'd like to withdraw 3 sausages and a packet of peanuts please."" Man: ""That isn't how a food bank works, sir."""

"""Hey can you take our picture?"" ME: yea sure *takes picture* ME: wait sorry, The Flash was turned on THE FLASH: *blushing in the background*"

"Picking up women in bars is like picking up Avocadoes in a supermarket... You have no idea how damaged they are until you get them home."

"Yo momma so fat... She's a Reddit admin!"