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Joke of the Day

"Sorry but your password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin."

"Missed connection: She wanted classy and I thought she said gassy..."

"Hey, courtroom artists. If you think the guy sounds guilty, draw an eye patch or scar. This isn't photography."

"So they're bringing in 100 fine for bad driving... How sexist is that? (via Jimmy Carr)"

"Just realized why women love shoes over clothing, because no matter how much weight they gain, the shoes still fit."

"TIFU By having one night stand It broke and I don't have another to replace it with"

"Priest: Do you take this woman to be your wife? Me: ""I do"" Priest: Ok can you say it again without using finger quotes while you do it"

"How are dildos and tofu alike? They're both meat substitutes."

"If you had a donkey and it bit off my rooster's legs, what do you have? Two feet of my cock in your ass."

"Which 2 Birthdays go by the quickest? the twenty second ones and the thirty second ones"