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Joke of the Day

"How are dildos and tofu alike? They're both meat substitutes."

"It's kinda corny... What did baby corn say to momma corn? ""Where's pop corn?"""

"Him: Are you on your way? Me: Yes, this cab driver sucks! *changes outfit for the 6th time, gulps wine and requests an uber*"

"Why did god invent patchouli? So blind people can hate hippies too."

"ME: ""I don't like this movie."" HIM: ""We are at a funeral."" ME: ""Who directed this?"" HIM: ""A bear attack."" ME: ""Never heard of him."""

"I cheated in the annual rabbit racing contest..... I won by a hare"

"A guy goes to a pharmacy and buys some slimming products. He asks the pharmacist: How much do you think I will be losing with this? Pharmacist replies: Well ... around 200 bucks."

"Netflix: Want to keep watching? Me: Do we really need to do this? Netflix: It's just, it's been 75 hours and I can hear your kids crying."

"Whats the difference between your mom and a washing machine? When I drop a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around for a week."

"Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opener ? He had a bee in his suit of armour !"