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Joke of the Day

"Just realized why women love shoes over clothing, because no matter how much weight they gain, the shoes still fit."

"A pirate walks into a bar And the bartender says, ""hey, you know you have a steering wheel hanging from your zipper?"". The pirate replies,""arrr, I know, it's driving me nuts""."

"[last day at job] ""You've made my life a misery, I hate you all"" [remembers my car is in the garage and I need a lift] ""Not you tho Phil"""

"[creates anti aging pill] Reporter: wow imagine all the human applications this can have *I scribble out 'give to puppies'* Yeah absolutely"

"Why did Hitler move from Germany to Westeros in full support of the Starks? Because he saw real hope for an Aryan nation."

"Did a T Rex have two copies of each chromosome? I reckon it was a diploidocus"

"What did Snape say at Alan Rickmans funeral? Nothing."

"I like my women how I like my wood... ...flat as a board and easy to nail."

"John need Taxi John: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. Steve: Yes, sir. You are a taxi"

"*Claps along at an opera*"