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Joke of the Day

"Who was the most well rounded knight of Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference"

"Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere."

"I used to collect old broken pocket watches.. But now I barely have the time."

"I have 12 fish, 5 drown how many do I have left? 12! Fish cant drown! (Dont be that guy and tell the truth about fish drowning)"

"What did the volcano say to the other volcano? Do you lava me like I lava you?"

"Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they're singing about the same girl & get mad at each other."

"Roses are brown, Violets are brown.. Who the fuck took a shit in my garden?"

"TIL the USS Colorado made nearly 12,000 career dives during WWII- significantly more than most modern submarines- and sunk the last Japanese warship of the war! Sorry, wrong sub :("

"[yelling to the person i'm dancing with at the club] I HAVE SLEEP APNEA"

"Here in Canada, we leave everything unlocked so that burglars don't risk getting glass in their hand when they punch through our windows."