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Joke of the Day
"I used to collect old broken pocket watches.. But now I barely have the time."
Next Joke
"Things to do before I start the thing I am supposed to be doing: All of the things."
"What happened to Kim Jong? He was ill."
"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, you'll be a mile away and he'll be barefoot."
"So my girlfriend's mother is throwing papers into the fireplace When my girlfriend asks ""mom, what are you doing!?"" I reply ""Taxes."""
"What kind of bees hum and drop things ? A fumble bee !"
"I post stuff in the wrong sub-reddits. AMA wait... FUCK"
"George Bush was trying out BDSM with his wife. George: Punish me baby, I've been a bad boy. Laura: Hmmm...what did you do honey? George: 9/11"
"Girls spend a lot of time explaining how they never do the thing they just did."
"Why do ballerinas stand on their toes? Can't they just get taller women?"