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Joke of the Day

"TIL the USS Colorado made nearly 12,000 career dives during WWII- significantly more than most modern submarines- and sunk the last Japanese warship of the war! Sorry, wrong sub :("

"I never realized how short a month is until I started paying rent"

"I was going to pay the taxi driver with my leftovers from lunch but that wouldn't be fare to him"

"What do a hillbilly and a nepotist blackberry executive have in common? They both give their relatives rim jobs."

"Nothing says ""I m not interested"" quite as loudly as showing up for a date"

"Today I saw two little kids fighting. As the only adult nearby, I had to step in. Those kids didn't stand a chance."

"She often thinks about what life may have been outside the asylum, had the cashier refrained from putting her change on top of the receipt."

"Naming that space movie Gravity makes about as much sense as naming Jurassic Park something like There's No Dinosaurs In This."

"How do you define necrophilia? The urge to crack open a cold one"

"What's an Irish seven course meal? A six pack and a potato"