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Joke of the Day

"Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing away anything, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a mexican drug lord."

"My daughter kept begging me to get her a new toy, so I went to a store and got a bunch of lego for her To this day, I am surprised that the store accepts kids as payment"

"Where do you buy a baby? Hole Foods."

"I never get jealous when I see my ex with someone else, because my parents always taught me to give my used toys to the less fortunate..."

"When does 2-1=0 ? When you're talking about choices."

"A woman walks into a bar... and says to the bartender, ""I'd like a beer please."" The bartender asks, ""Anheuser Busch?"" She responds, ""Just fine thanks, and how's your cock?"""

"How many babies does it take to make light? 99, 98 get in a pile while 1 grabs a match and lighter fluid."

"A murderer sitting in the electric chair was about to be executed. ""Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. ""Yes"" replied the murderer. ""Will you hold my hand?"""

"I was going to come on here and make a Trump/Hitler/Jew joke But then it was loxed by the moderators."

"My neighbor just gave us a brand new dining set! I guess he was feeling particularly chairitable today."