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Joke of the Day

"What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving."

"Just tell ISIS we have pizza and when they knock on the door, shoot them"

"Walmart: because going to Target requires a shower."

"I like to mute CNN and imagine they're arguing about what appetizer, or appetizers, to order at TGIFridays."

"[Biblical Times] God: oh shit Angel: what? God: I just realized I've been leaning on the frog button."

"Why does it take more than a million sperms to fertilize one egg? 1) Female Ego... Rejection without Reason! 2) Male Ego... Won't Ask For Directions!"

"What do you call a lesbian with big fingers? Well hung.!"

"Before takeoff our flight attendant asked everyone to turn off their Samsung Galaxy phones You know, the ones with the headphone jack"

"What do politics and orgies have in common? A bunch of dicks and cunts trying to screw each other."

"If I had ten cookies and you took one,what would you have? That's correct. A black eye and broken hand."