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Joke of the Day

"put ur hair in a man-bun. now put ur beard in a man-bun too. congratulations ur now a hamburger. be free, hamburger man."

"What do you get if you have unprotected sex in the ear? Hearing AIDS."

"I ate too many rowing paddles Now I feel oar-full"

"What does Paddy Irishman says when he meets a one legged jockey? How're you gettin' on?"

"Get off the goddamn Twitter, go out & live your life! I'll be here when you get back"

"I like my coffee like I like my women... no penis"

"Why were the people in the World Trade Center mad on 9/11 ? Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and all they got was plane."

"Don't let them fool you. Squirrels are just rats dressed in Armani."

"To ensure my wife misses me while I'm away, I changed her text notification to the sound of a door creaking open & message her at midnight."

"I've got a friend who's a female private investigator. Or gynecologist, as she likes to be called."