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Joke of the Day

"Get off the goddamn Twitter, go out & live your life! I'll be here when you get back"

"What should you do when you see a blond with a pin in her mouth? RUN! She's got a grenade in her mouth!"

"it was hard being a teenager with the last name i mean stalk one guy and you're for the next three years"

"What does crossing the Niagara on a tightrope and being given a blowjob by a 90-year old have in common? You don't want to look down"

"If the letters fall off your company's logo... ...maybe it's a bad sign."

"What did George Washington say to his men on March 3rd Tomorrow we march forth"

"If we take a shower together and sing... Then we can do it while we duet"

"A juice bar called Just Kale Yourself."

"I ran into my ex the other day... Then I put the car in reverse and backed into her again."

"What's the difference between Bono and God? God doesn't walk around Dublin pretending he's Bono"