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Joke of the Day

"To ensure my wife misses me while I'm away, I changed her text notification to the sound of a door creaking open & message her at midnight."

"Even my cats are sick of the snow..They meow to go out..I open the door..and they freeze and look at me like ""WHY is this shit still here?"""

"Why do the Romans use more eggs in their omelets than the French? Because the Romans feel that when it comes to eggs, you can't have too many ovum. But in France, they believe that one egg is un ouef."

"What is the difference between a pregnant lady and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb"

"Joke WHAT'S GREEN AND SMELLS LIKE PORK? -- Kermit's fingers Disgusting but made me giggle like a school girl bitch"

"Girl, yo grammatical atrocities so huge, you need typosuction."

"How do you stop a dog howling in the back of a car? Put him in the front."

"*holds finger up and chews for like 8 minutes after aunt asks me how I've been*"

"How does a Muslim get a hot date? He puts it in the microwave. EDIT: Looks like you guys are real dim...."

"How does french cheese expire? From age"