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Joke of the Day

"What's a difference between a teacher and a train? The teacher tells you to spit you gum out. The train says, ""Chew, chew, chew!"""

"Chanting ""I'm not creepy"" in front of a mirror doesn't make you feel any less creepy."

"U know your mind is gone when u get out of bath and realize u only shaved one leg Unless u only have one leg... Then you're good"

"The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings."

"I want to steal someone's phone who has 8000 followers and retweet the fuck out of myself"

"What does an insecure white kid do when he accidentally leaves a page? Alt+Right"

"How do you get the water in a watermelon? Plant it in the spring."

"You couldn't kill Sean Bean if he was wearing a red shirt."

"Why do men, on average, die before women? Because they want to."

"How many dwarves does it take to paint a room red? It depends how hard you throw then against the wall."