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Joke of the Day

"When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now."

"Why did Nixon never drive on the highway? Because he always took the low road."

"Did you hear about the guy who cooled himself to absolute zero? He's OK now"

"Scientists report global context shortage. ""I guess I'll have flan,"" some scientist said, totally out of context."

"You know what celebrity they should get for Dancing With the Stars? That plastic bag from American Beauty."

"Just cracked Forest Gump's password. 1forest1"

"I like my men like I like my coffee: encouraging my bowel movements"

"Why are cows so horny? Cause they're always in the moo'd!"

"My son asked me today, ""Dad, what music did you like growing up?"" ""Led Zeppelin,"" I replied. ""Who?"" he said. ""Yeah, I liked them too."""

"Q: Why is the banjo player a fiddle player's best friend? A: Without him the fiddle would be the most hated instrument on earth."