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Joke of the Day

"[swipes debit card] *would you like cash back?* yes [gazes at photo in wallet of steve jobs johnny cash & bob hope, whispers] yes i would"

"People are making apocalypse posts likes there's no tomorrow."

"Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they're and there."

"What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle? Attire."

"New Zealand scientists have discovered two new uses for sheep... Meat and wool. (Exchange for Welshmen if need be)"

"A man walks into a bar with a big slab of tarmac/asphalt under his arm... The barman asks him, ""So what can I get you?"" ""I'll have a pint and eh, one for the road."""

"What do you call batman when he misses church? Christian Bail"

"Why do white girls walk in groups of odd numbers? Because they literally can't even."

"What's Whitney Houston's favorite car? Hyuuuuuuundaaaaaiiiieeeiiii"

"gardening i spent alot of my days trying to grow a specific seasoning in my garden. it took forever, but once it finally produced, i had the thyme of my life."