182013

Joke of the Day

"Me: ""Breath mint?"" Her: ""Sure."" M: ""Don't mean to offend."" H: ""None taken."" M: ""Great. Good to hear. Care for a push up bra?"""

"If Trump is so bad why does he visit a homeless shelter every day? [someone whispers in my ear] I am now being told it's to taunt them"

"I think the inventor of the internet likely didn't intend for it to be used to post videos of simians reacting to humans doing magic tricks."

"What did the vampire say to the teacher? See you next period!"

"I have 5 uncles. Scott, Daniel, Bob, Tate, And the one that works at Nintendo."

"I hate One Direction fans... Oscillating ones cool down a room much better."

"How can you tell the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him? The picture doesn't scream when you hang it."

"Shout out to... Everyone who doesn't know the opposite of in."

"How Stevie Wonder looks at his life... 'Rather blind than black'"

"If you wanted to be the red ranger as a kid you're probably an asshole nowadays."