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Joke of the Day
"Shout out to... Everyone who doesn't know the opposite of in."
Next Joke
"[Chaperoning field trip] ME BEFORE WE GO: Only rule is don't lose any kids. AFTER I LOSE A KID: New rule. You're allowed to lose one kid."
"How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb? None. According to Trump, they outsourced it to India & China."
"Once again I'm reminded that pressing harder on a remote control when I know the batteries are getting dead is not an effective strategy."
"*lights a joint* Woah, fire! Ow! My elbow!"
"Probably should not have driven home from the bar last night.. especially considering I walked there."
"What did the robot say to the other robot as they destroyed each other? ""Nothing personal."""
"What do you call a pretentious mime? A dick in a box."
"Why Hitler died? Because he saw the gas facture."
"Last autumn, a nice flower salesmen sold me some poppies in some cool cylinders. Oh boy! Two more months and here I come, fall opiate tubes!"