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Joke of the Day

"Mayonnaise is cum. When you put it on a sandwich, you're spreading cum on your bread. When you ask for it on a burger, you ordered cum."

"Why do white girls hang out in odd numbers? They can't even."

"World renowned cartoonist found dead in their home!! At the moment, details are sketchy..."

"The first rule of procrastination club is: Google some weird shit then take a nap."

"The neighbours dogs woke me up last night barking loudly. So I threw my shoes out of the window at them and that shut them up. It was a pair of hush puppies."

"It was Jose's first day on the job... he introduced himself to his American co-workers: ""I'm jose"" They replied: ""if you're hose-a, where's hose-b and hose-c?"""

"Don't have phone sex... ...you might get hearing aids."

"I just put a client on hold for five minutes while I went to the break room to heat up a burrito in case you wondered about my work ethic."

"Happy International Women's Day Or its better known name, Just Another Made Up Holiday No One Gives A Fuck About Day. or my favorite, Tuesday."