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Joke of the Day

"Hi, I'm from the American Medical Association! AMA!"

"[Dirty] Some more dirt was mysteriously added to my garden last night... The plot thickens"

"How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday? It's already run out of battery."

"What do Coors Light and sex in a canoe have in common? They're both fucking close to water."

"Why can't a bicycle stand on its on? Because its two tired"

"Pessimist: Oh, this can't get any worse! Optimist: Yes, it can!"

"I need your parent's phone number so I can call you & hang up when they answer. Cause if I'm gonna crush on you, I'm doing it old school."

"Today, I had sex for 1 hour and 30 seconds Thank you Daylight Savings Time!"

"Psychic wanted: You know where to apply."

"What did one ISIS member say to another? ""IED mubarak.."""