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Joke of the Day
"How did the guy with a foot fetish ruin his date with an amputee? He got off on the wrong foot"
Next Joke
"Starting to carry a clipboard at work just to let folks know I'm not fucking around about shit anymore."
"I just found out a distant relative of mine has eaten three people. It's a lot to digest"
"GOD: [as a kid] DINOSAURS! GOD: [as a teenager] You will know the profound sadness of existence, humans."
"my doctor told me to watch my drinking and so i bought some mirrors"
"My Twitter clique is basically five or six people who have mistaken me for someone else."
"i'll have a burg please [waiter looks confused] a burg. a meat frisbee. a seared bovine disc. a hamburger sandwich. a bunned beefling my man"
"Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park? He finally woke up."
"Why were Helen Keller's hands purple... ... because she heard it through the grape vine."
"""Treat Others the Way You Want to be Treated"" *Buys everyone snacks"