180505

Joke of the Day

"Everyone in my family is quite wealthy and successful... ...but I hate following the crowd, so I decided to become a panhandler instead. I beg to differ."

"what to ketchup and a condom have in common? they both go on your weenie"

"Why does Santa never visit Jewish families on Christmas? Jew's houses dont have chimneys, they already fell for going into a house with them once! [NSFW]"

"The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn't just ""lay in bed and watch TV all day"" I traveled very far thank u"

"Found an old playboy from the 70's last night, I wonder why they didn't call it hair club for men..."

"Cashier: Hello Me: Is it me your looking for... I can see it in your eyes.. Cashier:... Me: Sorry, this is my first rap battle."

"No lie: When the plane landed I had 9 texts and my 13yr old had 343."

"A man is waiting on the bus... ""Would you mind coming down?"" The driver asked politely."

"What do you call presents after you've opened them? Pasts"

"If Donald Trump becomes president and keeps up his shenanigans, he could be the first president to be impeached. It would be an un-presidented event in American politics."