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Joke of the Day

"Forgot my wallet at home & filled up at the gas station so I have to leave some collateral. Not leaving my phone there so 4 year old it is."

"Computers teach us 3 healthy daily habits... read/write and Run"

"How many moths does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just two, but how they get in there.. I don't know. (Stolen from an old Maxim in my dad's storage)"

"[meeting] DIRECTOR: I want amazing CGI PRODUCER: Yes! D: A huge cast P: Agreed! D: Realistic family photos P: We don't have the budget"

"What do you call a crying anime fan... a weeaboo-hoo"

"What do you call a Parrot that loves maths and hates food? a polynomeal"

"What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The Wheelchair"

"If you're keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you're losing."

"The Walking Dead is Jesus's favorite show."

"Why do fish always sing off key? Because you can't tune a fish. Say it outloud if you don't get it. I made this one up in first grade IIRC."