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Joke of the Day

"Why is crack a ""Rock""? Because it's as hard to get off as Alcatraz."

"a gaggle of geese, a murder of crows, a genocide of seagulls, a holocaust of toucans"

"Why was I named after Adolf Hitler... Well, I certainly wasn't named before him!"

"How to keep an idiot waiting? I'll tell you tomorrow. Edit: Grammar."

"FYI: If someone says ""I'm game,"" you can legally shoot them. You should probably check your state and local hunting regulations though."

"At a bathroom line. ''Can I go before you? I really need to number two'' ''No, I was here before you and I need to go as well''. ''I swear I need to go more than you''. ''You're so full of shit''."

"""I'm on my way."" -People who haven't even left the house yet."

"Do you know why women love zombies? Because zombies love what's on the inside, not the outside!"

"How hungry do you have to be to eat feces? ...just hungry enough to get McDonald's."

"Flight Attendant: ""Would you like some headphones?"" Me: ""How did you know my name is Phones?"""