178867

Joke of the Day

"The United Kingdom. A country whose name is now ironic."

"GUY: are u in the 1% ME: more like the 2% GUY: well that's still great ME: [wondering why this guy's so in to milk] it's pretty cool I guess"

"What do you call someone who commits piracy? Neckbeard the pirate"

"When i was a kid we played football on a bit of grass at the bottom of the bridge where people often committed suicide... We used the jumpers for goalposts."

"Teacher: Why do we put a hyphen in a bird-cage? Pupil: For a parrot to perch on miss."

"Why was Luke Skywalker convicted of rape ? He used the force ."

"I heard Anheuser Busch is sending 9 truckloads of canned water to the areas affected by Hurricane Matthew. Who knew there was such a demand for Bud Light after a disaster?"

"So if they were called the Mario Bros., that means Mario's last name was Mario?"

"What does a mechanic do for a one night stand? He nuts and bolts."

"I'm only listening outside the bathroom door to make sure you're not touching the decorative hand towels."