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Joke of the Day

"When I left for work this morning, the dog begged me to stay and the cat handed me my keys."

"I successfully said ""Worcestershire sauce"" today!"

"CHINA: how can we fix our economic problems??? GERMANY: how do we reestablish our engineering reputation??? USA: OH MY GOD RAT WITH A PIZZA"

"I had sex with my girlfriend while camping once... It was really fucking in tents!"

"Knock Knock.. (joke) who is there? Nicole. Nicole Who? Nicole never bothered me anyway."

"If a tree falls in the forest... ...and Linkin Park was playing a concert adjacent to that tree, in the end, does it even matter?"

"What's the worst thing about a Ray Rice joke? The punch line."

"Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?"

"i wish i had a cute laugh but instead i sound like a dying seal"

"Can a ninja scale a wall in a single leap? Shuriken."