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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cantaloupe who can't elope? A cantaloupe. The spelling is completely different..."

"2 fish. there are 2 fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says, ""How the fuck do you drive this thing?"""

"My girlfriend asked me the other day, ""Dave, why do you always walk in front of me?"" I said, ""I'm sorry, I don't follow you."""

"They say video games teach kids bad habits, but I've gotten out of at least 17 DUI's by flinging a banana peel at the cop car behind me."

"Why did parking tickets increase after Persephone was kidnapped? Demeter wasn't working."

"What do blondes do after they comb their hair? They pull up their pants."

"After 20 years of marriage, I still get blow jobs. If my wife finds out, she'll fucking kill me."

"I used to get my dad so angry as a kid. I knew that once he took that belt off there was nothing i could do... to keep him from shooting heroin"

"How do police know that princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders under the steering wheel."

"Howabout plastic, reusable tortilla chips where you could just suck the guacamole off them?"