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Joke of the Day

"When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. And that tells you everything you need to know about marriage."

"7: Dad what does this word mean Me: Bring me a dictionary *Smack up side the head Me: Now go google that shit"

"Dear MTV, I was wondering if I could get my ""M"" back..... you know, since you're not using it. Sincerely, _usic"

"At age 40 you gain the capacity to fall totally chemically head over heels in love with a refrigerator."

"What do you call a boring Muslim? Abdull."

"My girlfriend wanted me to include her more.. My girlfriend cuddled up to me and said ""I wish you would play with me like to do those video games"". So, I Dragon-punched her in the face."

"How do you give a quadriplegic a headache? Ask him to hold open the elevator door"

"What did the farmer say to the chocolate cow? Get to the back of the meat grinder!"

"Want to hear a joke about Sodium Hypobromite? NaBrO"

"When I RT what I'm actually saying is ""Fuck I wish I wrote that"""