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Joke of the Day

"After 20 years of marriage, I still get blow jobs. If my wife finds out, she'll fucking kill me."

"What's worse than having ants in your pants? Uncles."

"I used to have S.I.D.S now I have PTSD :("

"Your inspirational tweets were so inspiring they inspired me to unfollow you."

"What comes after sextillion? Babytillion! (Creds: my math professor who has her doctorate in mathematics)"

"My wife told me to find someone else if anything ever happened to her so I don't know why she got pissed when she found my ""prospects"" list."

"What do you call a retired comedian? Comedy mold."

"Look I see that you love me and would kill for me, but this guy over here barely notices me and has a GF. I'll play the odds. -Woman logic"

"How does a Jewish guy make beer? Hebrews it. :)"

"I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested."