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Joke of the Day

"So summer is coming up and i think I'm in good enough shape to pull off a two piece. The hardest part is just chasing her down."

"My Dad always calls me goldfish... I forget why"

"[Shark Tank] an armadillo clock that rolls away so you gotta get up to turn off the alarm Sounds dum- It's called the Alarmadillo OMG SOLD"

"Two snowmen are standing in a field... One snowman turns to the other and says, ""yeah, I smell carrots too."""

"During the day I don't believe in ghosts, But at night I'm a little bit more open minded"

"Three mods walk into a bar... [deleted]"

"The Little Mermaid was a hoarder."

"Before I Die, I Want My Last Words To Be "" I Burried The Million Dollars Under The..."""

"Strangers on a Train"

"I wish I'd worked to learn another language. Only so I'd be more believable when I use language barriers as an excuse to not talk to people"