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Joke of the Day

"[Shark Tank] an armadillo clock that rolls away so you gotta get up to turn off the alarm Sounds dum- It's called the Alarmadillo OMG SOLD"

Next Joke
 
"Knock,Knock joke Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him."
"One time we ran out of soap- -so we had to use hand sanitizer!!!"
"I saw a lady with 12 nipples the other day... Sounds weird dozen tit?"
"[10 mins into couples therapy] Therapist: I cannot help you two. Me: Let's go, Betsy! See! She doesn't listen! T: GET YOUR DOG OFF MY COUCH!"
"Darling, you are the most beautiful woman in this party! Did you invite these guests on purpose?"
"What is the most honest vegetable? Beetruet"
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the deer how it's done."
"Hey guys, don't you just hate it when you're woken up in the middle of the night for sex? can't wait to get out of prison."
"What happened to the tree after it caught fire? It became entally handicapped"