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Joke of the Day
"How do you hit on a Jewish girl? Tell her that she israeli hot!"
Next Joke
"[goes to sign up for course on how to handle bad news better] ""sorry, we're full"" [lights myself on fire]"
"I used to do the ""hokey pokey""... But I turned myself around."
"Yes, I am aware pigs are more intelligent than dogs. Why would I want to eat an inferior animal and absorb its lesser powers?"
"Life Advice Always keep your words soft and sweet - In case you have to eat them later."
"One time I invited a guy over for dinner but I didn't feel like cooking so I just poured us each a bowl of cereal really romantically."
"what do you get when you mix a penis with a bug A cockroach"
"When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on."
"Your mom said she wanted something that could go from zero to two hundred in 3 seconds... ...so I bought her a scale."
"Nothing freaks me out like when I'm ordering from a Chinese restaurant and I ask ""What kind of meat is that?"" and they answer ""yes"""