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Joke of the Day

"Autocorrect changed ""stranger"" to ""strangler"" & it made me wonder how often I must have written about murdering people to teach it that."

"Don't ask a pregnant lady ""do you know the sex?"" obviously she knows about sex she's pregnant you stupid idiot"

"Just look at the one picture I show you on my phone. Don't scroll to the next one."

"OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!"

"God's recreational activity is to destroy the whole universe and create it again."

"I've always lived by the motto 'work hard, play hard' But the HR department is starting to get concerned and the guys I ball with at the gym hate when I guard them"

"What do you call an ape that's both extremely frugal and fearful? A cheap pansy"

"Why do babies love sticking things in their mouth? And why doesn't my girlfriend share this impulse?"

"Did you guys hear!? Easter is cancelled! Yep, they found the body. Go home boys."

"They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be ""Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."""