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Joke of the Day

"There's no human I hate more than the attendant in the bathroom at bars. Bro, I can handle this portion of my day ASSISTANCE FREE."

"Bill Cosby was charged with sexual assault I guess the proof was in the pudding"

"How are Harambe memes keeping up? Cincinnati Zoo keeps trying to shoot them down. Edit: Spelling"

"Few people talk about Hitler's other known book about war games, Mein Sweeper."

"I think I will have to go to the doctor soon. My father is a hypochondriac and I think it's hereditary. I'm starting to see the symptoms."

"ME: how long will it take to remodel my house? CONTRACTOR: only about 2 months [9 years later] CONTRACTOR: ok so we've installed 1 stair"

"Customer: I didn't order this. Waiter: I know but your meal tastes worse."

"Samsung is permanently stopping production of the Galaxy Note7. At least it went out with a bang."

"I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."

"HER: I think we should see other people. ME: I don't. We're awful. We should leave other people alone."