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Joke of the Day

"My wife fave birth to our daughter yesterday. She was born with jaundice So there she was - small round and yellow. We called her *melon*-y"

"- I'm here to register for the pessimists' club. - Is the glass half empty or half full? - What glass? - Gentlemen, we have a new leader!"

"I don't know what I'm more afraid of: killing myself or never doing it. Clowns definitely scare me the most, though."

"They should make another Taken movie, about Liam Neeson's character being under-appreciated for trying to keep his family safe. ""Taken 4: Granted"""

"I'm already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I've given the bird to lots of people today."

"I tried phone sex once but the holes in the dial were too small."

"Q: What's green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A: A pool table."

"Chuck Norris counted to infinity...... Twice."

"Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his soup? Because one more would have been too farty."

"I was in math class and my teacher asked ""What comes after 69?"" Apparently ""I do"" is not the correct answer."