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Joke of the Day

"50 condoms A guy at the convenience store asked the cashier for 50 condoms. Two girls in line behind him started snickering, so he turned around, looked them dead in the eyes, and said, ""Make it 52!"""

"I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It's the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets."

"Did you hear about Instagram, the weed delivery service? nm was thinking of Instantgram"

"I hate how politically correct the world is becoming... No longer am I allowed to say ""black paint."" Now I have to say ""Tyrone can you please paint."""

"you know its cold out... when you go outside, and its cold out. (tried this in /r/antijokes , thought the rest of the joke world might appreciate)"

"How do you stop a dog from barking in July? Shoot him in June."

"I went on a date last night with a tiny lobster. Its didnt work out. She was a little shellfish."

"It's not difficult to tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile One will see you later, the other in a while."

"Why don't blind people go skydiving? It scares the shit out of the dogs."

"I wanna get rid of this memory foam mattress, but it knows too much."