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Joke of the Day

"Since we're doing jokes we made up as kids, here's mine: What did the World Chess Champion ask Michael Jackson? Do you want to be black, or white?"

"What do you name a dog with no legs? ""Cigarette"" because you take him out for a drag."

"*shows up at ur door holding a bouquet of flowers with all the petals ripped off* hi, i brought u som flowers that told me u love me"

"Our family's annual tradition, as I put up the tree, everybody gathers around to watch my wife tell me I'm stringing the lights wrong."

"A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three... He says, ""uno, dos..."" and he disappears without a tres"

"""God is dead, but like, dead in a fun way"" - Nietzsche trying to make a first date less awkward"

"I read that 83% of prison inmates are Christians...should I be concerned with my safety when I'm up in Heaven?"

"My dad said ""Do your chemistry homework, okay?"" Potassium"

"My wife and I have agreed on a trial separation. The kids aren't to keen, but my wife and I just don't want them anymore."

"The best part of being lactose intolerant is the cure for constipation is cheese."