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Joke of the Day

"[God creating the ocean] GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere. ANGEL: Nice, that way if they're thirsty, they GOD: Make it undrinkable."

"Why did the restaurant fire the pansexual? Because he kept fucking the cookware."

"Best medieval joke you know. Go. ""In days of old where men were bold and rubbers weren't invented, men wore socks around their cocks and babies were prevented."""

"I love the concept of karma. It means all the people I mistreat and fuck over every day must have it coming."

"Can someone help me decide which Nirvana album to buy? Wait, Nevermind"

"Snail Boss: under skills you've put 'quick reflexes' Snail: [2 hours later] that's right SB: [3 hours later] holy heck, when can you start?"

"My wife left me According to her, she is sick of me talking behind her back and pushing her around. In my defence, she's in a wheelchair."

"Why was the electron mad? Well, it doesn't really matter..."

"KNOCK KNOCK Who's there, Howard, Howard who? Howard you wanna suck these nuts. Also works with: Wendy you wanna suck these nuts Jorge come suck these nuts"

"What do you need when you're not doing well in your Advanced Placement U.S. History class? A Push"