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Joke of the Day

"[GOP Debate] MODERATOR: this question is for Senator Cruz. How will you handle zodiackillersayswhat? CRUZ: what? MODERATOR: I knew it!"

"If you get invited to an AT&T; executive's wedding, don't go. The reception will be terrible."

"ME: *to friend* you're dumb as a box of rocks lol BOX OF ROCKS: *putting finishing touches on his astrophysics thesis* dude"

"What's the difference between menstrual blood and sand? You can't gargle sand."

"My annoying little cousin is bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed. Whatever, you little idiot.. I sleep in a real car."

"What do bunnies do when they get married? Go on a bunnymoon"

"Please don't tell me about your methods of increasing drag on your car It would be a spoiler alert"

"I've got the eye of a tiger and a lifetime ban from the zoo"

"Me: It's not illegal to be rude to cops. Them: Well, if you poke a bear, what do you expect? Me: That's why we don't make bears cops."

"I called into a suicide hotline And they tried to save my life, talk about misleading."