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Joke of the Day

"If you get invited to an AT&T; executive's wedding, don't go. The reception will be terrible."

"My son just walked in crying, saying he was scared as Trump won. I said, fuck off, you're 22 & British. Oh yes he replied & went to work."

"User interface? I hardly even know her!"

"Why did the cancer patient get smacked? His hand was bigger than his face."

"To whoever has my old phone number: I truly hope you're enjoying those texts from that guy I met at that thing"

"What do you call a Jihadist that loves turkey? A Tryptophanatic."

"Members of Congress are like farts. We hate all of them except our own."

"New study shows that homosexuals care more about marriage than straight people. When they propose, they get down on both knees."

"MY WEDDING: tetris theme plays as i slowly inch down the aisle, trying to perfectly fit my finger in the ring"

"I'll have you know, I've been sober for just over 100 days. Not like, in a row or anything...just in general."