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Joke of the Day

"I'm addicted to wanking over leaflets. When I went into rehab, I got off to a flyer."

"FISHING TRIP Joseph *casting his line*: Son, your mother thinks it's time I tell you- You're agodpted. Jesus *runs across the lake crying*"

"If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, and love is a rhythm, then you are on LSD."

"Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic... ...and the mental health system is failing me miserably."

"My standards are as high as my pull up bar which is on the ground, in my basement."

"I've just been on a once in a lifetime holiday... Never again. Credit: Tim Vine."

"How can you tell if something is clickbait?"

"When is the only time you're not American? When European."

"Morpheus, what happens if I take both pills? I'll pay you for them."

"Arguing with religious people is like trying to explain quantum mechanics to a potato."